Oh, sweet sleep. I forgot (ok, not really) how much sleep occupies your mind with a newborn. You obsess about how much sleep you are getting, how much sleep your newborn is getting, where she is sleeping, where you are sleeping, what habits you are creating and which ones you want to establish. It's exhausting-- both the sleep and thinking!
Joe and I have always agreed about one thing: we will not let our kids "cry it out."
Here is an article that summarizes some of the sleep and brain research:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/education/8636950.stm
When Kai was just a little guy (maybe 1-2 months), I randomly picked up a book about sleep and it happened to be filled with research from Europe all about a newborn's brain. It stressed that the higher level of the stress hormone, cortisol, occurs when a baby is left to cry it out and this affects the baby's brain in a negative way. The BBC article mentions the research says this happens when a baby cries for more than 30 minutes. We have read in other studies that it could be after 15 minutes.
But, really, for us, what seals the deal is a great piece of advice that Jen Costigan gave us-- she said, "Parent during the night like you parent during the day." This makes perfect sense to us.
So, do our kids cry? You bet. Do they do it sometimes alone? Oh yeah. But, I guess we have decided to not let them do it for a long time and to give them comfort when their little bodies are in need. Of course, this looks different for a 3 year old than it does for a 30 day old.
So far, Ruby has been a pretty decent sleeper. Although, recently she only wants to sleep in our bed or in our arms. Right now, she is in her grandmother's arms and has been for most of the day (Thank you Susie!)
I am, of course, a bit worried about this. Honestly, we hope she will be a better sleeper than her brother. Kai didn't sleep through the night until he was 2. God, that was tough! We have a plan on ways in which we hope she can sleep better. We hope we've learned a bit in the past 3 years. We are patient and know that the "experts" agree that at 3 months you really need to have a good plan in place. But, we are working on one now too.
But, so far, our plan doesn't include crying on her own and this works for us. I know it doesn't work for everyone. In fact, I have many, many friends who swear that "crying it out" saved their marriages, made their lives more manageable, and created way better sleep habits for their kids. This makes sense to me too. Just not for our kids so far.
Stay tuned.....maybe it will change. Maybe not.
3 comments:
I admit it was very hard to hear Soren 'cry it out'. But over the last couple of years I'll bet in the long run, Soren has actually cried less than Kai.
Sevi is very good in the fact that he will cry or fuss a little bit and most, not all of the time, he will put himself back to sleep, a real blessing for us. I know that sounds selfish but we all need our sleep in this family.,
Sorry Randy, I wasn't meaning for you to feel bad or for you to feel like we need to compare the boys. I fully support that each family needs to make their own decisions. I just thought the article was interesting and for some reason I wanted to post some of my ideas about it. Again, you gotta do what you gotta do. As for who has cried the most, either Soren or Kai, we better not even go there....it doesn't matter, does it?
Just to add my two cents. It isn't about the amount of crying but the responsiveness to the crying that leads to a stressed brain. No one is saying that children should not feel the spectrum of emotions and as parents we can bear witness to that but sending the message to a child that you will not respond to him or her at night and then penning the child in a crib so he can't fulfil his own needs seems a recipe for stress. We all make our own compromises but this article helps us take pause.
Post a Comment